Stinkin’ Fear

I had a wonderful and relaxing evening at home. When it came time to go to sleep, I let fear in the door. Outside my bedroom window is a motion sensitive light. It goes on if a cricket sneezes. Nevertheless, the fear center of my brain always suspects the worst. Last night it went on and off, on and off. A storm was whipping up, making the tall hedges move, which no doubt set off the light. A dog was running loose in the street too, barking up a storm, and he might have triggered the light as well. But no … I assumed someone was trying to sneak onto my porch and break into the house. The house has been empty for 3 weeks (see my previous post). I was so happy to be back in the house that it wasn’t until after dark that I wondered if someone still thought the house was empty – even though my car was right out front!

When the fear hit me, first I prayed for God to protect me. As the light continued to flicker … and then I heard a light tapping sound on the door (which could have been anything) … I allowed fear to steal my peace. I got up and did what I usually do when the motion light scares me: I turned on the porch light and outdoor floodlights all around the house. That wasn’t enough for me, though. I started to get angry. I went to the front door and pounded on it several times, as if to let the invisible person on the front porch know that I was on to them and I was big and powerful and they’d better run. Ugh. I hurt my hand pounding on the door. Today it’s still slightly numb. Why do I do these things to myself?

With that “accomplished,” I got back into bed, prayed again for God to protect me, decided to really trust Him this time, and had a peaceful night’s sleep.

I woke up this morning, got ready to go to church, and as I headed for the door, I realized my keys were nowhere to be found. Sometimes at work I leave them in the office door. I had never done that at home but … ? I looked out the window and my car was still there. I opened the door, went out on the porch … and there sat my keys in the front porch swing. I don’t need to describe all that went through my head and my heart in that moment. I did wonder about the poor angel that tried to get my attention with the light and with the tapping on the door … and finally spent the night sitting on my keys. I gave a humble and sober prayer of thanks to God … and thanked Him also for all the people who were praying for me.

As I type this post with a numb hand, I know I failed another lesson. And I know that because God is good, I’ll get to take it over again. 🙂

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