I’ve had a few tough lessons over the last few weeks. Or I should say … I’ve failed a few tough lessons. God’s lessons. My reason for failing these lessons was lack of trust in God, which in my case translates to “stinkin fear!”
My lease was up June 30 on a place I love. I didn’t want to move but I didn’t think I could afford to stay. I’m fundraising to support myself in ministry, so I figured I needed to get to the cheapest place I could find. I never actually talked with God about this. Can you believe that? I never asked Him, “Should I stay or should I go?” I’m learning now that His answer was different from mine.
Consequently, I made a huge mistake. I moved 2 months prior to my lease ending, and I moved to a place where I encountered environmental problems that made my cat and me sick. Three weeks later I realized I had to move out, so I started the search for another place. A friend, who saw through the fog I was under, said, “Janet, just move back to your old place until your lease is over!” Which I did. Peace and health have returned.
Then God showed me what I had done. It’s something I’ve always done. I loved that place so much and the pain of moving was so great, that I just shut down to avoid the pain. I didn’t take a chance on God, stay and enjoy the place to the very last day … and maybe God had a solution that would have allowed me to stay. (Since then, I’ve learned that He did have a solution, and I missed it because of my fear.) Even if I hadn’t been able to stay, I would have had 2 precious more months in that sweet place, and God could have used that time to nurture my spirit and let joy and peace fill me in unfathomable ways. I missed the blessing.
Granted, I’m finally back where I’m supposed to be and I have 3 weeks left. I’ve asked God to help me make the most of these 3 weeks. And the amazing thing about God … His solution is still available for me. I might take a detour, but I could end up back in that very place (or better). I need to stay open to His best and not let fear get in the way.
The awesome thing about God’s lessons (one of the many awesome things) is that when we fail them, we get to take them over again. Meanwhile last night I failed another lesson in walking free of fear. More about that in my next post.